For the last 40+ years I’ve lived a life of dedicated debauchery. I’ve consumed enough booze to destroy a dozen healthy livers. I’ve filled my lungs with enough nicotine to poison the entire population of Cook County. I’ve engaged in sexual excesses that make Caligula look like a celibate monk. I have, in fact, conscientiously, day in and day out, for more years than you’ve been in this best of all possible worlds, tried to kill myself and I’ve never felt better in my life. So, Mr. Cry Baby, if you’re really going to end it all, I can show you at least a half-dozen better ways to do it.